Juan Pablo's season has come and gone and I think most of America can now say that we aren’t so sad to see it go! True to my form, I watched the finale while live-tweeting and boy did people have a lot to say! Let’s just say you would have had a really hard time finding someone that was siding with Juan on the episode.
So, spoiler alert.. There was a lot of “esss oh-kays”, annoying little moans from Juan, oh, and no rings and no love. Making Juan Pablo, officially the, Worst. Bachelor. Ever. It does take two to tango though and currently Nikki is guilty of picking the wrong partner to dance with.
Nikki.. dear Nikki. Girl, we need to have a chat about some red-flags. Clearly you missed them the first time around in real time, and then the second during the airing, but I like to believe that the third time is a charm, so give me your ear! These are BAD signs that the guy you’re dating is a huge schmuck.
1.) His family doesn’t even seem to like him. Okay, for real though. When his mom, his MOM is telling you that he’s difficult, rude and hard to handle. It is not a good sign. It’s not a sign of endearment, it’s a sign that says THIS WILL NOT END WELL! The family did this with both girls and I’m not sure if it was due to editing or not, but both girls seemed to really misunderstand what his family was telling them, which let me translate, was RUN, RUN, RUN!
Now, I get it. No one is perfect and all relationships have their ups and downs so let me rephrase this. If his mom is asking you if you’re really sure about this and telling you those things about her son in front of 7+ million people, this is your flying high and tall red flag. We all have our moments, but let me tell you. If I was on national TV and my mom was meeting someone who could potentially be proposing to me – someone that I really loved – you can bet your last dollar she would make sure he knew I was the next best thing since sliced bread.
2.) He wants to keep it quiet now that it’s “real life" I think Juan Pablo forgot what show he signed up for. You think it’s going to be quiet as soon as the show is over? Past Bachelor, Sean Lowe said it right when he told him, uh yeah hate to burst your bubble but it’s not! HELLO! Juan, it’s not a translation error, you knew what you were signing up for and a quiet life after the show wasn’t it. If that’s what you want you should probably hide out at your parent’s house for awhile.
For better or worse, fame has its price, and probably not a good price when you’ve shown most of the women in America what a truly big douche you are. Going around bashing "The Bachelor” empire and how “tough” it has been just makes you look silly though. And Nikki, that goes for you too for jumping on that boat. You didn’t think it was so silly a few months ago when you professed Juan Pablo was your true love did you? Or when you said you couldn’t wait to tell your parents you were engaged after the last rose ceremony (wishful thinking)? No, it’s only silly now because of the situation you find yourself in. Which, in case you didn’t get the hint yet, RUN! And if you don’t want to listen to me… listen to Sean!
Love or hate it, The Bachelor empire is in the business of telling love stories. How they turn out can make or break TV ratings, but they’re there to make money off your backs in the name of love. And, while they definitely want a drama-filled season, in the end it’s in their best interest for it to work out so that they have the opportunity to continue their empire and reel in viewers with Bachelor and Bachelorette weddings! So if you didn’t sign up for the love-fest, you must have misread the application.
3.) HE WON’T SAY I LOVE YOU!: Okay, so if you forget all of the other red flags, remember this one. After being repeatedly asked if he has strong feelings for you and after Chris Harrison threw out that pesky little love word he shut down every question. Honey, it’s not because of his favorite excuse, “that he is a father” and it’s not because of “your father”. If he can’t tell you he loves you 4 months after he went on a show to find love, then the magic just isn’t there. I’m not saying love needs to be rushed, but when you’re going on a show for the sole purpose of finding love, you can’t be so offended when everyone wants to know if you finally got what you wanted.
You can bet that if I was in your place and had to sit next to him as he humiliated me, I would have turned right over to him and said, SEE YA! Total second-hand embarrassment. That’s really the only way to describe how I felt watching the “After the Final Rose”. So, in case you missed my sweet advice in my first few points,
RUN, RUN, RUN, AND PLEASE RUN!
You don’t have to be a little love-sick puppy anymore and you can and should stand up for yourself.
All red-flags aside though, because I’m hoping Nikki realizes really fast who he really is, let’s talk about something else that is normally so predictable and that I’m totally disappointed about…
Hello! Engagement or not. I always look forward to the long and drawn out Neil Lane ring selection scene! I admit it. I like sparkly things and I can not lie. I mean, the whole magic of this fairytale love story involves mushy love (which may or may not be real) and rings! That is the fantasy of the show, right?! Well, as soon as that scene was pretty much omitted I was out for the count. Thank you Juan Pablo for taking all of the magic out of this season finale.
Instead of having a few moments of cheesy happiness shared with complete strangers on Twitter, I found myself stuffing my face with chocolate chip mint ice cream with extra whipped cream, feeling like I was getting dumped. So, while I’m not sure if this was really the most dramatic season ever, I will say it was the most love-less season. Boo.
Better luck on Andi’s season? We will have to wait until May to find out and see my dear reality TV lovers!